


life sucks, actually

by lurKINGaroundd



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Everyone is kind of a little shit, F/M, Friendship, One Shot, Romance, a hint of angst maybe?, fluff i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 06:49:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21132416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lurKINGaroundd/pseuds/lurKINGaroundd
Summary: When MJ first met Peter, she had briefly wished he had eight eyes.





	life sucks, actually

MJ haven’t got to really know her neighbors. She liked to think of herself as observant, but her over all lack of interest had won in this case. 

Now, she guessed she had something to look forward to.

Holding his phone in one hand, and about to knock on his door with the other, MJ realized she was actually curious about how he looked like. It’s been some time since she felt at least a tint of genuine excitement. 

When she saw his face as he opened the door, MJ couldn’t decide if she was disappointed or not. He looked normal, so regular. 

She sighed, thinking she should’ve known better than to have expectations about something exciting for once. He didn’t have eight eyes on his face or anything like that.

MJ didn’t greet him or introduced herself, instead, she went straight to the point, handing him the lost phone. She wasn’t being purposely rude, she just often forgot about all these little politeness rules. 

“You dropped this outside, Spider-Man.” 

His regular face turned scandalized.

“What the fuck?”

.

.

.

MJ entered the break room just in time to hear Betty Brant saying, “… she just has this thing about her, so depressing, I don’t like being around her.”

Betty could’ve been talking about anyone, and MJ wasn’t paranoid, but as she caught the look of surprise on everyone’s faces, especially Betty’s, she couldn’t help but conclude the obvious. MJ wanted to laugh, they really handed themselves easily. They all work in service, you would expect they knew better about pretending.

MJ went to get her coffee as if she hadn’t noticed anything. It wasn’t nothing, really, though she thought it was rich of Betty to say this, when she had the same depressing dark circles under her eyes as everyone else.

.

.

.

MJ and Betty ended up tagging prices in the same alley, and being honest, she was waiting to see if the shortie would dare to say anything.

Betty fake coughed, and MJ held a smile to herself, thinking “here it comes”.

“You know I wasn’t talking about you, right?” Betty finally said.

MJ didn’t really think much about why, but the whole situation was pretty funny to her.

“Of course.” She replied. There was some humor in her voice that could be easily mistaken as cynicism, even MJ wasn’t sure about which one it was.

They kept tagging prices, and the noise of their little label machines were filling the space. Clearly, this life-changing conversation wasn’t more important than how much some snacks costed.

“I, uh, I have nothing against being around you. J-just to clarify. I don’t find you depressing.”

Betty should quit gossiping, MJ concluded, she made it too obvious. She wasn’t very good at being mean if she was going to feel this guilty every time she did it.

“Of course.” Maybe MJ should tell Betty that she met Spider-Man some time ago, maybe this would make her look less depressing. Or not. There were a lot of weirdos in this world, and her weirdo didn’t even have eight eyes. 

“I’m tagging prices on junk food in a shitty supermarket as I talk to someone who supposedly said something not so good about me, that’s not depressing at all.”

“N-not supposedly, I really wasn’t.” 

MJ never saw someone tag prices as fast as Betty was doing, maybe she genuinely didn’t like being around her, and for that, MJ wouldn’t blame her. 

.

.

.

The condo where MJ lived kind of sucked, but she liked the little garden outside. There weren’t any flowers or anything aesthetically pleasing that made her feel at peace, the garden sucked just as the rest of everything, but it was still a decent outdoor space for smoking. So, not that bad.

MJ avoided smoking inside her own place, besides, it was in this garden, at night, where she witnessed Spider-Man dropping his phone before entering one of the apartments by a window. 

She had heard he was supposed to have crazy good reflexes, and that was a bit funny. It kind of compensated for the lack of the other six eyes she expected he would have. Thinking about it, he also had dark circles under his eyes, so maybe he wasn’t that special after all. 

“Hey.”

MJ flinched. She hadn’t noticed anyone getting near. It was Spider-Man, and it seemed like one of his abilities was having really quiet steps. Or she just wasn’t paying any attention to her surroundings. This has been happening a lot lately. Actually, it was a bit of a surprise for her that she noticed his phone the other day.

“I just wanted to say thanks. You know, for the phone.” He said after she acknowledged his presence with a look. 

“No problem.” MJ didn’t get up from her bench or anything and kept the distance, after all, she was holding a lit cigarette.

He looked a bit awkward. “So, uh, nice to meet you-”

“Don’t worry.” She tried to ease any agonies. “I’m not gonna tell anyone or whatever.”

“Oh- Thank God.” He released a big relieved sigh, and she thought maybe he would leave then, but he didn’t. “I’m Peter, by the way, what about-”

“Are you going to kill me?” MJ seriously asked.

Peter showed the same scandalized face he did when he first opened the door for her. “What?! No! Why?”

“Such a pity.” She said instead of pointing out that she knew his secret and that’s why he should kill her.

“O-okay.” He tried again. “I’m Peter.” He repeated, as if she hadn’t heard before. “What about you?”

MJ started to cry. Not wailing, she didn’t think she could pull it off anymore. Tears just fell down her eyes, simply as that, her lips didn’t even twitch, so she could easily reply him.

“I’m just really fucking lonely.”

Peter waited a second, and then said, “Uh, I, actually, I was asking your name.”

.

.

.

At work, out of pity, it seemed, Betty started to spend time with MJ every minute possible. It felt like a hostage situation where she was being forced to listen about Betty’s boyfriend. 

When MJ realized she had described a simple conversation between co-workers as a hostage situation in her head, she figured she was being beyond depressing. Betty should really run for the hills. Or just avoid her and get back to dissing her behind her back, but she didn’t.

.

.

.

“Do you always spend your nights here?” Peter asked.

After blowing smoke out of her mouth, she answered, “Except when it’s raining.” 

“I see.” Peter stood there, a few feet away from her, holding something behind his back. He seemed awkward again, he probably was in fact awkward in nature.

Smoking during social interactions was the same as eating. You could choose to have a conversation, but it wouldn’t look extremely rude if you choose not to, after all, your mouth was busy ruining your lungs. That explained MJ not saying anything more. 

Peter faked a cough, but looked guilty right after. He was trying to find a way to say something, but she noticed he thought it looked like he was teasing her for her smoking. 

It amused her, so MJ asked, “What’s that you’re holding?” Was it a gun? She joked to herself. Was he finally going to murder her for discovering his identity? 

Peter was holding a little first aid kit. “Actually, could you please help me with something?”

.

.

.

Betty sometimes called herself a journalist. She wasn’t one, not a practicing one at least. She often said working at the supermarket was a temporary thing. She had graduated from a good college, there was no reason for her to stay there forever. 

That was almost everyone’s story. MJ also didn’t see herself working there forever, but she also couldn’t imagine her anywhere else. It was all weird, really, to think about the future.

MJ didn’t like to call herself an artist, even though she was supposed to be one just as Betty was supposed to be a journalist. 

If someone was bored enough to want to know what she did with her life, she simply answered she worked at a supermarket, tagging prices, carrying stuff around, sometimes even at the cashier. There weren’t any people to ask her, still MJ rehearsed the answers in her head.

It surprised her then, when Peter asked her exactly that, and she hadn’t answered as she always practiced. 

“I work at a supermarket. It’s temporary, though.” MJ didn’t know why she said that. 

“Oh, cool.” He replied simply. 

“I want to be an artist.” She didn’t know why she kept opening her mouth. “… I think.”

“That’s awesome.” 

Peter was nice, lying to her like that. At least, that’s what she thought. 

“So, have you always wanted to be Spider-Man?” MJ asked.

He chuckled. “Not really.”

“Is being Spider-Man a temporary thing too?” She questioned, a bit of humor in her voice.

“I don’t know, it’s weird.” Peter sighed, looked at the stars, then at her. “I can’t imagine being Spider-Man till I get old, but then, that’s probably because I won’t be able to get there.”

“Oh.” MJ looked at him, like he had done at her. “I think I get it.”

.

.

.

“I think my boyfriend is hiding something.” Betty told MJ as both of them organized boxes on top of boxes.

“He probably is.”

“MJ, you’re supposed to tell me he probably isn’t and everything is fine.” 

MJ released a big sigh, tired because of all these boxes and a bit because of Betty and her boyfriend. “Look, I don’t know a lot about men, plus I specifically don’t know your boyfriend.”

“I just- I don’t know. I feel insecure.” 

Betty looked genuinely bummed out, and even though MJ has been a bit of an asshole and not giving much though to what Betty says, at that moment, MJ wished she had something good to say.

“It’s confusing. As a person, just a person, I think I like men, or even love them. As a woman, just a woman, I think I despise them.”

Betty stared at her, seemingly in thought. “It… kind of… makes sense.”

“Does it?” MJ doubted it, sometimes she didn’t have a lot of faith in whatever she had to say about whatever. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Was it of any comfort?” MJ asked.

“Not really, no.” 

.

.

.

MJ avoided smoking inside her apartment, but it didn’t mean she never did it. She spent the whole time of a Saturday morning trying to get rid of any scent regarding the damn nicotine. Her mother was visiting. 

At night, Peter was at the garden to talk to her once again. She had wished to stay alone, but when he showed up, she actually didn’t mind. It might have looked pathetic of her to spend her Saturday night in such place alone, but he was also there, so they both looked, or were in fact, pathetic. 

“Fucking awful is how I feel.” MJ answered when asked. “How about you?”

“Not so good either.” He said, and she thought if he ever, or always, used these conversations at night as a way to get his mind off whatever tragic thing may have happened to him as Spider-Man. “But what happened?”

“My mother visited.” She told him. “It didn’t go really well.”

“How so?”

“Well, let’s just say… parents sometimes aren’t the most comprehensive bunch, you know?” MJ had a hard time elaborating on it, mainly because she didn’t want to.

“I don’t really know, actually. My parents are dead.” 

As if she had to make it worse, MJ laughed. Not because she found it funny, but she was having a bad time at properly reacting. “I’m sorry. I’m such an asshole.”

Peter laughed with her. “It’s okay. I have an aunt, though.”

“And how is she?”

He grinned. “Very comprehensive.”

MJ imitated his stupid grin. “You little shit.”

.

.

.

Instead of drinking her coffee at the break room MJ went outside for some air, taking her tiny cup of coffee and a cigarette. 

Work was another place where she avoided smoking, but she’s been avoiding lightening her cigarettes at the garden too, because of Peter probably, but she brushed this thought aside. 

MJ had to compensate for it, and outside smoking was where and how Betty found her. 

The blonde frowned immediately. “Ugh. So you do smoke, I’ve been suspicious but I didn’t want to bring it up and bother you.”

“How polite of you.” Her quiet was over. “What you’re doing out here?”

“Well, I wanted some fresh air, but you took it away from me.” Betty was just being cheeky at this point, and MJ didn’t mind it much. “Why do you do that to yourself?” She asked, faking an overly dramatic voice.

“Bad habits, bad habits, that’s all.” MJ replied, smiling a bit. “I assure you it’s not because I think I look cool, as you can probably tell since you found me at my hiding place besides the garbage. Not a very nice spot for fresh air, really.” It occurred then to MJ, that maybe Betty wasn’t looking for fresh air, but just for her. 

“Good.” She chuckled. “You see, Bridget Jones also smoked, and she didn’t look cool, she was still just a loser.”

MJ laughed. She laughed really hard for some reason, even though the joke wasn’t very funny. Honestly, she didn’t even know if it was joke, or who and what Betty was making a reference of. She found it funny anyway, so she laughed.

.

.

.

It was another Saturday morning, someone knocked on her door, and MJ suspected it to be Peter. She was right. He has been the only one to ever knock on her door. Her mother had a key, unfortunately.

“I’m really, really sorry, but-”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem. Come in.” Peter seemed more visibly hurt than the other few times he had asked for assistance, so she hurried him inside. Plus, it was morning, which probably meant he was out there the whole night, and she assumed it meant things went bad. 

“What the fuck happened to your back?” MJ asked after he somewhat told her what she was supposed to do. She was okay with helping him, but it didn’t mean she was any good at it. She figured she was good enough, since he kept on coming back.

Peter grimaced. “I think you would understand it better if you catch the news later.”

It was almost like he knew she only started to pay more attention to the news after she met him. Of course, there was no way he could know such a specific thing about her, but the fact that she indeed looked forward to the news kind of haunted her.

“I’m really sorry.” Peter said, out of the blue, almost. “You just happened to find my phone one day, and now, ugh, you don’t have to help me or anything-”

“I don’t care.” She interrupted him. “And be quiet.”

He didn’t keep quiet. “I, well, I have a best friend who’s supposed to help me out with all this stuff, but… he’s been busy. With a girlfriend.”

MJ chuckled. She had expected him to tell her some dramatic story about his side-kick, but no. He was indeed a silly super-hero.

“You’re being a good friend.” She told him. “It’s nice that you have a best friend even though you’re an adult.”

“You don’t have one?” Peter asked. 

MJ appreciated him for asking her a question that could’ve sounded rude or intrusive. Maybe it did sound intrusive, but not to her, not to her in that moment. 

“I used to have one.” She answered. “During high school, but I lost her after that. We just lost touch, nothing too tragic. It happens, at least it just happens to me when I’m not forced to see people everyday.” MJ thought about Betty, and how she would lose her too after she moves on from their shitty job. “I don’t have the energy to seek ‘em out, it seems. Not because I don’t love anyone, but that’s just me. I realized it a few years ago, so before I spent an awful long time wondering why the hell I was always so alone. But then I understood why, and I also realized I’m a very silly person.”

“I see.” Peter seemed to think hard, and then said, “I’ll do my best to seek you out, then.” 

“Don’t say that.”

“No, really.” He persisted. “See, I don’t think I’ll have much choice, my friend is getting pretty serious about his girlfriend.”

MJ chuckled. She didn’t want to live just because there were people out there who needed her, but it was kind of nice to be needed. “I’m a pretty big asshole, but I guess I won’t deny rescue to the local hero.”

When they were done, and Peter was about to head out, he asked, “Is your mother coming to visit?”

“Y-yeah, she is, actually.” Her eyebrows rose, a bit surprised. “How do you know?”

“Your apartment smells like a bunch of cleaning products mixed together.” He clarified.

“Oh.”

Peter closed her door, wishing her good luck. 

“Thanks.” She said. 

.

.

.

“You’re sure you want to do this in my place?” MJ asked as she tried to tidy up the place a bit.

“It’s the best option.” Peter answered and started to help her. “My place is full of super-hero stuff that she could find out about. Ned said he’s waiting for the right time to tell her he’s involved with all of this.”

“Waiting for the right time, huh?” She grinned. “He’s never gonna tell her.”

“Yeah.” Peter agreed. “He’s more like waiting for things blow up in his face.”

“That’s more like it.”

“Besides…” He said more. “He’d love to meet you. He’s dying to have someone else to talk about being my guy in the chair.”

Ned sounded like a silly guy, MJ assumed, but it sounded right since Peter was also very silly. 

Her eyes opened wide when Ned arrived with his girlfriend at the door. Betty and MJ stared at each other till they burst down laughing as Peter and Ned exchanged confused glances at each other. 

They were all a pretty silly bunch.

Later, MJ remembered of one politeness rule, and as host she offered to clean the mess. She would make Peter pay for this somehow. 

Betty followed her to the kitchen, and MJ didn’t doubt about Betty having spent the night waiting for a moment to catch her alone.

The tiny blonde was even more straight-forward than usual, and downright asked, “Are we friends, MJ?”

MJ was caught a bit off guard. “I- I guess so.”

“Good.” Betty smiled. “Now I can finally say I really didn’t like you at the beginning, and yes, I was talking about you that one time at the break room a million years ago.”

MJ smiled too, triumphantly. “I knew it! I also have been meaning to tell you that you really suck at being a bitch. Plus, I didn’t like you too, and whenever I responded to you was only because I was using you to escape being bored to death.”

Betty had more to say. “And I only started talking to you out of pity so I guess I deserve that.”

They both laughed. “See,” MJ said, “We’re just a couple of assholes, that’s great.”

“I’m really sorry, though.” Betty said despite her laughing.

“Me, too.” 

.

.

.

“You like Peter, right?” 

MJ and Betty were sitting outside beside the garbage. It was now their hiding place.

She frowned. “How do you know?”

Betty thought about it. “I don’t know, maybe the way you both look at each other.”

Ew. “I don’t really know how to explain it.” MJ tried to sort things inside her head. “Remember that thing I said some time ago? About being a person and a woman. It’s like… when I’m with him, I’m neither, or I’m both. I don’t know, like I’m just MJ, and I really, really like him.”

“Okay…” Betty narrowed her eyes. “This doesn’t make any sense at all.”

MJ groaned. “I know.”

.

.

.

“Betty found out about Spider-Man and the Guy In The Chair.” Peter told her.

“Did things blow up in Ned’s face?” MJ excitedly asked. She’s been waiting for this, so she didn’t have to hide anything from Betty too. It seemed like she cared about Betty now, so she spent time worrying about such things. 

“Not really.” Peter explained. “She took things pretty well! She even wants to help.”

Damn Betty for being so nice and likable. “That’s great, now you can stop bothering me about fixing you up.”

MJ made it sound like a joke, even though it wasn’t really a joke for her. It was actually a pretty serious matter of the heart.

Peter started to avoid her eyes. “Actually, uh, I would like to keep bothering you, if you don’t mind.” 

“Why’s that?”

He looked at her, and then looked at everywhere but her. “Cause I like you.” Peter finally declared in a small voice. “Like, in a romantic way.”

MJ kissed him. On the cheek, she wasn’t being that brave. Then he smiled widely, and she asked herself when he stopped looking so regular, and started looking like the most beautiful person she had ever seen. From there, MJ finally kissed him properly on the mouth, and a sweet kiss of a loved one was the proof of her bravery. 

.

.

.

Alone, MJ found herself crying again. She only had herself in these moments and that was okay. It was okay not be okay, and even to feel lonely when she wasn’t anymore. 

Bad habits, bad habits, MJ thought to herself. It was easier to quit the nasty nicotine than some other matters.

She wasn’t okay, but she would be. She didn’t know when, but someday. She was going to try harder. She wouldn’t do her best to live because of others, but she decided to do her best to allow herself to feel all those little happiness she could catch. 

She felt lonely, yes, but she wasn’t alone. MJ knew that now.

**Author's Note:**

> (English is not my native language, so I apologize for any mistakes.)
> 
> Please, leave comments, I really appreciate them. 
> 
> Tumblr: lurkingg-around
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!


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